Living Simply

My Year End List: Phrases I Can Live Without In SL

Tis the time of year when lists are made. The media loves to make year end lists of who rocked, who died, who we loved and who we hated. On a personal level, many of us start listing our New Year’s resolutions. My own resolution tends to be the same every year – Keep Trying. But, this year, I had the urge to make another sort of list. Now MIND YOU, this is *my* list and you may disagree with all or part of it, which is okay. Just don’t run around hollering that I’m gettin’ all uppity and telling people what to do. This is simply a personal daydream that I am pretty sure won’t happen! Now, disclaimers in place, here’s my list.


1. Noob: Everyone was one, once. It’s not a disease, it’s just a place you once stood on the timeline. It’s hard enough to get past the trepidation of being the new kid in town and baffled by the culture, the history, the tools and the etiquette. Adding in mockage of your experience and age is NOT HELPFUL. It’s not edifying. It doesn’t foster good attitudes. Sure there will be arses coming inworld just to be, well, arses, but that’s human nature in ANY reality. Give the benefit of the doubt and be kinder to newcomers. Have patience with their questions and flailings. Retiring the derogatory term ‘noob’ is a good first step.

2. Best In (insert color, fetish or wings): A long time ago, social venues started having little contests, usually with a cash prize, to encourage avatars to dress imaginatively with the side effect of a cash prize in your pocket and a higher traffic count for the venue. I entered quite a few of them myself and had a grand time shopping around for fun bits to build my costumes. Eventually, it just became a tired old routine to haul carcasses into your club to help your traffic number and give you a chance to beg for “some Linden love, our dancers work hard for you!” and that leads to my next item…

3. Linden Love: Just point out the tip jar. Don’t ask me to ‘show you some Linden Love’. You sound like a cheap hooker from a bad old movie. No, me don’t love you long time. I do tip quite nicely when I’m well entertained by good music and a genuinely nice and witty DJ. Give me value for my tip and you’ll have jingle in your pocket.

4. LOL: Yeah, just a pipe dream of mine in all realities. 😉

5. Smexy: I can barely type the word without shuddering. I have mild synesthesia so for me this word is usually accompanied by a sense of rancid butter. Yes really. Hey, I did tell you this was my PERSONAL list, right?

6. “The Cake Is A Lie”: It was actually really amusing the first 3,000 times it appeared in group chats. I used it myself. But I think it’s time we left the cake out in the rain.

7. “BRB gotta pee”: Um, thanks for sharing? Nothing enhances a well-crafted stunningly amazing avatar more beautifully than throwing out the reminder that the typist behind it has an achingly full bladder. Just go pee. We probably won’t even notice you left, unless you’ve left Voice on and gift us with the Flush.

8. Anything Uttered by a Talking Tummy: When you are at home, you can duct tape a megaphone to your belly button for all I care, but when you are in public keep your innards outta my brain, please.

Quick! Call 911! She’s turning into a rabid owl!

10. NO DRAMA!!!: I’d be fine with this except it’s usually followed by a metric truckload of drama.

That’s it! Now I will stand very, very still and give you a wonderful opportunity to throw bricks and rotten cabbages at me.

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Lori Alden Holuta lives between the cornfields of Mid-Michigan, where she grows vegetables and herbs when she’s not writing, editing, or playing games with a cat named Chives.

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